Friday, June 22, 2012

FINISHED! #224 Be A Bridesmaid

          To all of you ladies out there who dream of being in your gal pal's wedding...think about it! When my darling friend Candace asked me to be in her wedding, I didn't really think about what went along with that, I just joyfully accepted. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Candace, and I loved being a part of her special day, but let's face it...i'm broke. I have zero dollars, all the time.
      We went dress shopping first, and Candi was gracious enough to let us each pick out our own gown as long as it was baby blue. I fell in love with my gown, i'm the fat one on the left by the way, and almost had a heart attack when I saw the price tag. Everyone decided to buy their dresses right then, on the spot, even though we were supposed to just be shopping around and getting ideas. I had absolutely no money and everyone was talking about what would happen if the color got discontinued. I started to panic. I actually had to borrow the money to pay for it, which made me feel like shit quite honestly. I paid it back as promptly as possible, but I don't like to borrow money. Ever. Under any circumstance.
     After I had the dress, there were bridal expos to go to. There were several advantages and disadvantages of going to these. The advantages were hanging out with Candace and eating free cupcakes. The disadvantages were that there were a lot of people there, and I get nervous around large crowds. Also, there was a lot of walking around, and it is kind of boring.
     Next came the planning of the bachelorette party. The maid of honor wanted to stay in a hotel and rent a car and do all of these things that cost a lot of money. I don't have any money, so I had to party poop a little. I told her that if we were going to do all of the things that she wanted to do, I wouldn't be able to afford my share, and therefore, would be unable to attend. I really hated being "that girl" but when you can't afford something, you just can't! THEN, when plans were actually set, they made the bachelor party and the bachelorette party on the exact same day at the exact same time. Now, this would normally be fine, but my daughter's father was also in the wedding, and so it came down to, only one of us could go to the party. He ended up staying home to watch our daughter, in the end, and I went to the party. It was okay, except that I had to spend the night with a bunch of girls that I don't know very well, so I felt kind of awkward.
     Next came the rehearsal dinner which would have been okay, except that my daughter's father and I kept fighting. I don't think he realized that he actually had to do stuff besides stand there on the wedding day, and so he was an ass through the entire process really.
     The next day was the wedding. It was beautiful! I almost cried. Twice actually. The first time, when the photographer had me standing and posing for what seemed like an eternity, and the second, when I saw my friend walk down the aisle and marry the man that she loves. It made all the other shit worth it, just to see her so happy.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

FINISHED!!! #354 Smash a Pie in Someone's Face

    I had errands to run yesterday, the biggest of those errands being that I had to go grocery store and buy food for the week. My friends Nicki and Nate happened to stop over around the time I was leaving the house and I asked them to come along with me and help keep an eye on my five year old daughter, Katie. She can be a handful at times, and it's nice to have an extra set of eyes and hands to keep track of her. They reluctantly agreed, and I told them that I would buy them fruit snacks or something in exchange for their help. 
    When we arrived at the store, we roamed the aisles, gathering the things I needed for the week. When we arrived in the freezer section, I walked right past the ice creams and deserts as I normally do, but Nicki spotted a chocolate pie. She asked me if I would buy her the pie, and suddenly, a light bulb went off in my head!! Smash a pie in someone's face was on my bucket list!! I told her that I would make her a pie, which would be cheaper and taste much better than the frozen kind, if, in exchange, she would let me smash it in her face. To my surprise she excitedly agreed. More to my surprise, Nate also volunteered for the same punishment! 
     I quickly backtracked and grabbed the ingredients to make the pies. Nicki wanted a chocolate pudding pie, and Nate asked for banana cream pie because he is a freak of nature and doesn't like chocolate. I got home, and made the pies, and waited excitedly for the pudding to set so that they would be ready. When they were set, I drove to the bowling alley with Nicki, and waited for Nate to get off work. 
     When Nate got off work, to my surprise, most of the bowling alley came out to the parking lot to watch  me pie my friends! Complete strangers were recording the act on their iPhones! To my dismay, I found out that my camera didn't have batteries in it when I got to the bowling alley. 
     Anyway, Nicki went first. She stood really still, with her eyes closed, and BAM! I smacked her with the pie. It went EVERYWHERE! There was really no chance of eating any of the remnants. After that, I got Nate in the same fashion. They were both really great to volunteer. I only wish they hadn't decided to hug me afterward. I had pudding and whipped cream all over me! It was one of the funnest nights I have ever had though, and I don't think I will ever forget it.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

My Bucket List and Why

     A few months ago, I became severely suicidal. It just seemed like things were unbearable in every aspect of my life, and I couldn't escape it. I realized that I had never really accomplished anything in my life, and it was pretty much going nowhere. I just wanted everything to end. 
    Fortunately, I didn't kill myself. I started going to therapy weekly, and took up a new hobby. I also did something that I have heard of a lot of people doing these days. I made a bucket list. Some of the things I put on there may take me the rest of my life, and some of them are quick easy things to do just for shits and giggles. The point for me was to have fun, and also to have something to look forward to, something to accomplish before my number is actually up.
    I invite you all to take this journey, through my bucket list with me. Join me for all the fun weirdness, and random shenanigans that is sure to ensue. As you will see, I have my work cut out for me! 

My Bucket List
1.      Visit all 50 states
2.      Take Katie to Disneyland (California)
3.      Go to Hollywood (California)
4.      Visit the Walk of Fame in Hollywood (California)
5.      Stand under the Hollywood Sign (California)
6.      Visit Marilyn Monroe’s grave in Hollywood (California)
7.      Visit Yosemite Falls (California)
8.      See The Morning Glory Pool in Yosemite (California)
9.      Visit Pixar Studios (California)
10.  Visit Glass Beach (California)
11.  See the Golden Gate Bridge in San Fran Cisco (California)
12.  Visit New York
13.  Visit Ground Zero (New York)
14.  Shop in New York City (New York)
15.  See a Broadway play (New York)
16.  Visit Times Square (New York)
17.  Go for a run in Central Park (New York)
18.  Ice skate in Central Park (New York)
19.  See the Alice in Wonderland Statue in Central Park (New York)
20.  Visit the Niagra Falls (New York)
21.  Take the stairs to the top of the Empire State Building (New York)
22.  See the Statue of Liberty (New York)
23.  Party in Las Vegas (Las Vegas, Nevada)
24.  Go to The Hardrock Café (Las Vegas, Nevada)
25.  Go to Mardi Gras (New Orleans)
26.  Flash my boobs at Mardi Gras (New Orleans)
27.  See the Grand Canyon (Arizona)
28.  Visit Mt. Rushmore (South Dakota)
29.  Go on the Skydeck in Chicago (Illinois)
30.  Visit the World’s Largest Aquarium (Georgia)
31.  Go to Roswell (Georgia)
32.  Go to a Wolf Sanctuary (Indiana)
33.  Drink Coffee in Seattle (Washington)
34.  Put a piece of gum on the gum wall in Seattle (Washington)
35.  Take a tour of The White House (Washington D.C.)
36.  Sit on Abraham Lincoln’s Lap (Washington D.C.)
37.  Meet Ariel at Disneyworld (Florida)
38.  Go to Sea World (Florida)
39.  Go to Lego Land (Florida)
40.  Go to Universal Studios (Florida)
41.  Visit the Mall of America (Minnesota)
42.  Eat KFC in Kentucky (Kentucky)
43.  Visit The Hershey Chocolate Factory (Pennsylvania)
44.  Eat cheesesteak in Pennsylvania (Pennsylvania)
45.  See a Colorado sunrise (Colorado)
46.  Drive down Route 66
47.  Go on a road trip
48.  Set foot on all 7 continents
49.  Visit London, England (Europe)
50.  Visit West Minister Abbey in London, England (Europe)
51.  Visit Abbey Road and recreate the Beatles Cover in London, England (Europe)
52.  Visit the Buckingham Palace in London, England (Europe)
53.  See Stone Henge in England (Europe)
54.  Make a wish at the Trevi Fountain in Rome (Europe)
55.  Visit The Sistine Chapel in Rome (Europe)
56.  Eat pizza in Italy (Europe)
57.  Eat pasta in Italy (Europe)
58.  Go to Venice, Italy (Europe)
59.  “Hold Up” The Leaning Tower of Pisa in Italy (Europe)
60.  Visit Castles in Europe (Europe)
61.  Go to Greece (Europe)
62.  Visit the Parthenon in Greece (Europe)
63.  Visit Ireland (Europe)
64.  Visit the Palace of Versailles in France (Europe)
65.  Visit the Louvre in France (Europe)
66.  Eat a crepe in France (Europe)
67.  Visit Paris, France (Europe)
68.  See the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France (Europe)
69.  Kiss under the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France (Europe)
70.  Kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris, France (Europe)
71.  Visit Auschwitz in Poland (Europe)
72.  Visit the Winter Palace in Russia (Eurasia)
73.  Visit Tokyo in Japan (Asia)
74.  Shop in Tokyo in Japan (Asia)
75.  Get lost in Tokyo in Japan (Asia)
76.  Go to China (Asia)
77.  Visit The Great Wall Of China (Asia)
78.  Visit the Taj Mahal in India (Asia)
79.  Eat at the Hello Kitty Café in Korea (Asia)
80.  Float in the Dead Sea in Israel (Asia)
81.  Go to Egypt (Africa)
82.  See the pyramids in Egypt (Africa)
83.  Ride a camel in Egypt (Africa)
84.  Go on a Safari (Africa)
85.  Help children in Africa (Africa)
86.  Go to Madagascar (Africa)
87.  Visit Australia (Australia)
88.  See The Sydney Opera House (Australia)
89.  Go to Canada (North America)
90.  Climb the steps of the Mayan Ruins in Mexico (South America)
91.  Set foot on Antarctica
92.  Go to Fiji (Island)
93.  Visit Bora Bora (Island)
94.  Visit an island paradise
95.  Ride on an airplane
96.  Fly first class
97.  Fly over the Bermuda Triangle
98.  Travel alone
99.  Pee in every ocean
100.       Go to the Tim Burton Exhibit (Moves around)
101.       Visit a walkthrough aquarium
102.       Time travel
103.       Spend the Holidays someplace exotic
104.       Stand on top of a mountain
105.       Go on a family vacation
106.       Go on a cruise

Health & Fitness
107.       Fit into a size medium
108.       Have my dream body
109.       Overcome depression
110.       Quit smoking
111.       Drink nothing but water for 1 year
112.       Run a marathon
113.       Have abs
114.       Hike the entire Appalachian Trail
115.       Get Lasik Eye Surgery
116.       Be able to run a mile easily
117.       Take self-defense classes

118.       Try sushi
119.       Try gelato
120.       Make a perfect soufflé
121.       Make a rainbow cake
122.       Share an ice cream with someone special
123.       Eat a cake without using my hands
124.       Buy all of the gumballs out of a machine
125.       Try Nutella
126.       Make homemade jam
127.       Try escargot
128.       Become a vegetarian for 1 month
129.       Eat an entire pizza by myself
130.       Find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop
131.       Try Ketchup chips
132.       Try eating dragon fruit
133.       Eat at one of Gordon Ramsey’s restaurants
134.       Eat only popcorn for an entire day
135.       Grow my own food
136.       Make pizza dough from scratch
137.       Bake something from scratch
138.       Cook a Thanksgiving dinner
139.       Eat only bacon for an entire day
140.       Try a pint of Butter beer
141.       Make gingerbread men
142.       Try eggnog
143.       Drink from a coconut
144.       Eat dessert first at a restaurant
145.       Eat as many peanut butter M&M’s as you can in one day
146.       Bake brownies and eat as much as I want without feeling bad
147.       Eat at Cracker Barrel
148.       Try every kind of Pringles
149.       Put Mentos in Diet Coke
150.       Try everything on Dairy Queen’s menu
151.       Bake a pie from scratch
152.       Try every kind of girl scout cookie
153.       Try every vegetable in existence
154.       Eat nothing but fruit for a day
155.       Try steak tartar
156.       Eat a whole roll of Hubba Bubba gum at one time

Learning Stuff
157.       Learn how to surf
158.       Learn how to play guitar
159.       Graduate College
160.       Learn how to play piano
161.       Learn fluent sign language
162.       Learn how to play ukulele
163.       Lean fluent French
164.       Learn how to skateboard
165.       Learn how to ride a bike
166.       Learn how to sing
167.       Learn why a raven is like a writing desk
168.       Learn a card trick
169.       Learn to walk well in high heels
170.       Learn how to use chopsticks
171.       Learn to roller skate
172.       Learn the alphabet backwards
173.       Learn origami

Helping Others/The Community And Random Acts of Kindness
174.       Donate blood
175.       Volunteer at an animal shelter
176.       Pay for someone else’s groceries
177.       Work for the suicide hotline
178.       Donate my hair
179.       Take a homeless person out to dinner
180.       Change someone’s life
181.       Buy flowers for someone for no reason at all
182.       Send a present to a soldier
183.       Be someone’s secret Santa
184.       Give someone a gift for no reason
185.       Convince someone to write their own bucket list
186.       Give a random person on the street $100
187.       Go to the parks and pick up litter
188.       Join the adopt a soldier program
189.       Collect canned food for a food bank
190.       Bake someone a cake
191.       Call my grandma every Monday until she dies
192.       Host an international student
193.       Pay a stranger’s tab at a restaurant
194.       Volunteer at the hospital

Body Modifications And Appearance Change
195.       Go Blonde
196.       Get a matching tattoo with my best friend
197.       Dye my hair red
198.       Let my nails grow
199.       Stop biting my nails
200.       Let my hair grow
201.       Get a small tattoo that means a lot

202.       Skydive
203.       Jump off a waterfall
204.       Scuba dive
205.       Rock climb
206.       Ride in a hot air balloon
207.       Swim with Dolphins
208.       Try every ride at Six Flags
209.       Bungee Jump
210.       Shoot a gun
211.       Go zip lining
212.       Ride in a helicopter
213.       Go skinny dipping
214.       Jump in a lake fully clothed
215.       Go snorkeling
216.       Ride a mechanical bull
217.       Experience zero gravity
218.       Stay naked for an entire day
219.       Jump off a bridge

220.       Kiss in the rain
221.       Take cute kissing pictures in a photo booth
222.       Kiss under the mistletoe
223.       Attend a gay wedding
224.       Be a bridesmaid
225.       Witness a wedding proposal
226.       Kiss under fireworks
227.       Kiss at the top of a ferris wheel
228.       Make love on the beach
229.       Attach a lock on a love bridge
230.       Make out with someone with Pop Rocks in my mouth
231.       Have my dream wedding
232.       Wear converse on my wedding day
233.       Kiss someone on New Year’s at midnight

Stuff to Own
234.       Own a piece of Drop Dead clothing
235.       Have a walk-in closet
236.       Own a dream catcher
237.       Have my own star
238.       Own a pair of Louis Vuitton heels
239.       Own a pair of cowboy boots
240.       Own a Volkswagon bug
241.       Own a pair of super hero underwear
242.       Have a pink Christmas tree
243.       Own a pair of Iron Fist heels
244.       Buy a Venus Fly Trap

Just Relax
245.       Sleep under the stars
246.       Watch all of the Harry Potter movies in one day
247.       Watch all of the Star Wars movies in one day
248.       Sleep on the beach
249.       Go to a spa
250.       Lay down in a field of daisies
251.       Visit the beach every day for a week
252.       Spend an entire day watching Disney movies
253.       Stay at a bed and breakfast
254.       Spend the whole day playing video games
255.       Have a Christmas movie marathon
256.       Sleep under the Christmas tree
257.       Read every novel written by Nicholas Sparks
258.       Sleep in a bounce house
259.       Have a candle lit bath
260.       Read every novel written by Stephen king
261.       Read 365 books in one year
262.       Go to a drive-in movie
263.       Lay in a hammock
264.       Read every R.L. Stine book
265.       Watch Titanic with someone I love

266.       Own a white kitten
267.       Own a grey hound
268.       Have a pet pig
269.       Own a horse
270.       Milk a cow
271.       Adopt a puppy
272.       See a great white shark
273.       Catch a firefly
274.       Shear a sheep
275.       Ride a horse
276.       See a reindeer
277.       See a polar bear
278.       See a liger

279.       Write a book
280.       Be on T.V.
281.       Be a part of a flash mob
282.       Solve a Rubik’s cube
283.       Ride in a taxi
284.       See a shooting star
285.       Mud wrestle
286.       Plant a tree
287.       Shower under a waterfall
288.       Throw a Halloween party
289.       Have a huge water balloon fight
290.       See marijuana legalized in the U.S.
291.       Change the world
292.       Celebrate my 100th birthday
293.       Paint roses red
294.       Catch every Pokémon
295.       Attend a concert
296.       Write an article for a well-known magazine
297.       Go on a camping trip
298.       Get the cast of Buffy’s autograph
299.       Drive an expensive car
300.       Hug Mickey Mouse
301.       Ride a gondola
302.       Party all night without stopping for sleep
303.       Dance with my kid(s) in the rain
304.       Have my poems published
305.       Feel beautiful
306.       Live to meet my grandchildren
307.       Be in a game of naked Twister
308.       Grow a bonsai tree
309.       Make a snow angel
310.       Build a blanket fort with someone I love
311.       Write something in wet cement
312.       Tie dye a shirt
313.       Hold up a free hugs sign
314.       Build a gingerbread house
315.       Create a popular blog
316.       Write a letter to myself and open it in 10 years
317.       Meet Dolly Parton
318.       Read the Bible
319.       Sing in the rain
320.       Ride in a limo
321.       Have a tea party
322.       Complete a journal
323.       Shop on black Friday
324.       Spend the day in a casino
325.       Throw someone a surprise party
326.       Witness a miracle
327.       Finish a whole tube of Chapstick
328.       Build a giant sandcastle
329.       Redecorate my bedroom
330.       Join a bowling league
331.       Bowl a 250
332.       Live past 12/21/12
333.       Finish an entire game of Monopoly
334.       Finish an entire coloring book
335.       Have a snowball fight with someone I love
336.       Go shopping every day for a week
337.       Build something at Build-a-Bear
338.       Build a snowman with my best friend
339.       Stick to my New Year’s resolution
340.       Decorate my entire house with paper snowflakes
341.       Meet Minnie Mouse
342.       Complete a scrapbook
343.       Name my child after a Disney character
344.       Hit someone over the head with a frying pan
345.       Paint my dog’s toe nails
346.       Have a Nerf war
347.       Participate in a Zombie Walk
348.       Swim in an infinity pool
349.       Write a novel about mermaids
350.       Play hide and seek in Ikea
351.       Tweet 10,000 times
352.       Have a pajama party
353.       Plant flowers
354.       Smash a pie in someone’s face
355.       Make my own melted crayon art